The summer holidays are over and my children are back to school today. I was a mixed bag of emotions but managed to hold it together. I mentioned in a previous post that last year the summer holidays were utterly wonderful and that’s not a lie, yes it came with the usual stresses but I really enjoyed my time with the children. This summer has been extremely challenging and I’ve not really enjoyed every second of it, that is quite hard to admit out loud as I feel like others will judge.
Both children are obviously a year older and with that comes different phases for them. Week one of the holidays was amazing and I thought I would breeze through the remaining 5 weeks – not so. Come the end of week two I was ready to pack my bags and trundle off on my own. It didn’t help that Mr K had an impending trip to Norway planned with work which meant I would be home alone for nearly 2 weeks, something I hadn’t done since the last time he travelled abroad for work 2 years ago. I was anxious and stressed to the max which didn’t help my motivation levels to be “fun mum”. But we made the best of it and went on days out, stayed with family, the kiddies were spoilt for the entire summer holidays and this is something I need to reign in as that can’t have helped with their behaviour.
Sitting here now though with only the sound of the clock on the wall I get to reflect on our time together. Where did I go wrong, why was I such a shouty mum, did I do enough with them, why do they bicker constantly (non-stop)? I could sit here and beat myself up until I feel utterly rubbish and I’ve done that for the last 5 weeks. But, I am going to put a positive spin on things and move on. Yes it wasn’t our best summer but we crammed loads into those hot sunny months and made some brilliant memories.
With summer as we know it coming to an end, life will return to some sort of normality routine will kick back in and both children will be shattered from school. I need to remind myself that they are going to be all over the place with their emotions in the next few months as life will change for them big time. Charlie is leaving his comfort blanket of Reception where they play a great deal and heading into Year 1, he will also be in a mixed class (with Year 2) which he hasn’t experienced before. Amelie is going to find Year 3 very daunting but she’s such a pro and was literally bouncing off the walls with excitement this morning.
And me? Well, I cannot even begin to tell you how bone crushingly exhausted, drained and done in I am. This summer has taken it out of me physically and mentally, so I am going to take it easy and regain my strength. I’m sure I am coming down with something or my iron levels are very low as I cannot shake off this tiredness, just doing every day chores and working out is killing me. I won’t be a stay at home mum forever so I am going to make the most of being able to do things at my own pace even though that is still in the fast lane. Everything I do revolves around each member of my family, I’m not just mum who is there to pick the kids up from school, I am a maid, a cook, a cleaner, a comforter, a nurse, I’m always on call to attend to every single need possible and sometimes I get so run into the ground I forget that I am a person. I need looking after just as much as my family, so I’m going to make the most of my favourite time of year (Sept – Jan), take some much needed time for myself and be a little kinder in how I view/talk to myself. If all that sounds selfish then I don’t actually care anymore.
I can’t wait for life to resume routine, structure and meaning. I’ve had enough of the days merging into one looooong ass day, I look forward to making the most of our time at weekends as a family.