Life Is Changing

We have come to the end of the Easter holidays, the kiddies are stuffed full of chocolate and are restless. Amelie is so ready to go back to school, she has been a little delight to have home these past 2 weeks I’ll be sad to hand her back to school but I will also be glad of some routine again and I definitely couldn’t have a hyper, chatterbox of a 5 year old home all the time, I would be in the corner rocking back and forth.

Charlie starts preschool tomorrow morning, I’m emotional but happy for him. He will be super and I’m so excited for his next journey – meeting new friends, being in a new environment, playing with new toys, undertaking new adventures, learning new skills and enjoying being 3. He is so ready for preschool and although I’m going to miss him so much I’m looking forward to starting my new journey as a proper school run mum.

Life is changing in our household, my children are growing at rapid speed, I would say needing me less but these past 2 weeks have been intense to say the least. I can’t tell you how many times a day I’ve had ‘mummy, mummy, mummy” I had forgotten how loud Amelie can be. When my two get going their laughter and screams are ear splitting. Also the demands they have made during this time have been on the diva side, I’ve been run ragged most days. But the days we have had together have been lovely and we will never get them back again.

So what is next for this mama? For one thing I’m going to learn to enjoy these 6 hours a week I will have to myself as I’ve never been alone before as I’ve always had Charlie with me. I keep telling Mr K that I’ve got 5 years holiday accrued so I’ll be taking it easy! To be honest I’m really looking forward to deep cleaning my house, getting rid of the Easter chocolate finger prints on everything, scrubbing the floors and hoovering every single nook and cranny. I won’t miss the mounds of toys (or death traps if you like) that scatter the floor and tiny bits of Sylvanian families that get stuck in the carpet. I’m going to organise the house and crack on with daily boring chores. I won’t have the guilt of having to do housework whilst plonking Charlie in front of the TV for half an hour, I hate that feeling that I’m not being a good mum by washing up or getting on with cleaning the bathroom when I should be giving him my undivided attention. He has been such an angel though and has never made a fuss he has always just gone along with whatever I’m doing.

It will be nice to know he is having fun at preschool with the wonderful staff, he is familiar with a couple of keyworkers and I just know they will take good care of him as they know what a worrier I am. I wouldn’t be human if I wasn’t concerned a little bit with leaving him in the care of “strangers”, I’ve never left him anyone apart from my mum or Mr K’s mum, so it will be a bit daunting leaving him with non family members. But he needs it, I need it, I can’t keep him at home forever.

Our whole routine will change, I’m hoping the time apart will make me a better mother as I won’t feel suffocated, as guilty (hopefully), as stressed etc. I’m really looking forward to taking some time for myself but does that sound selfish? I kind of think it does, because I don’t go out to work I feel guilty that I’m sat on my bum for 5 minutes having a cuppa when I should be doing something productive. I know some people see being a stay-at-home mum as not working and I understand bits of that but it’s not a cake walk, it’s bloody tough.

However, I’m going to be positive and think about the good in my situation. I kind of dwell on the fact that the children aren’t tiny and we are in a different phase in life. I would do anything to go back to the days where Amelie and Charlie were babies, I’m not ashamed to admit it but I get a pang of jealousy when I see first time parents pushing their sleepy newborn in the pram, they look so happy and proud and I remember that feeling so well. It is just you and your baby, you are in a newborn bubble, you get excited about going out and showing your baby off, they are super cute and dainty, you can go for walks in the sunshine feeling content. Nowadays going for a walk in the sunshine entails constant ear bashing, repeats of ‘sit down please’ ‘keep your hat on’ ‘do you need a wee wee?’ – you are always searching for the nearest toilets or shop – it’s not much fun.

I would do things slightly differently in some things but I wouldn’t change the time we’ve had together. They say the days are long but the years are short and that is so true. In spite of all the emotions I am feeling I’m happy the children are that little bit older and are independent, it means we can do more things with them – new exciting things. They understand more and don’t need me as much because they have each other. This next year is going to be full of new experiences for everyone, we have lots of changes coming up and new adventures to be had, I want to embrace change and not be worried.


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