They say motherhood changes you and I absolutely agree. Since becoming a mum I have become a better version of me and I’m starting to enter a new stage of parenthood.
During the early years I had no idea what the heck I was doing, I would read books, listen to friends advice and copy other mums. But nothing can prepare you for raising your own child, I was putting all these silly things into place because I thought I had to, I thought by this stage I should be doing this and my baby should be doing that, ugh! Looking back I really wish I just listened to my own intuition and did things my way. When Charlie came along my confidence as a mother grew and I listened to nobody, this was my baby and I was raising him my way, but I did experience the worst mum guilt.
Getting through the toddler stage with Amelie and having a newborn was tough but also really rewarding. I was capable of so much more than I ever thought possible, I looked after two demanding children whilst running a household and balancing life. I’m not very good at being kind to myself I put myself down a lot and can never take a compliment. However, I’m learning to accept these things now and since becoming mummy I’m so much happier within myself.
This isn’t a big me up blog post it is a snippet of where I’m at in life. Now the children are at school I have a lot more time to undertake things that make me a better mum, I’m trying so hard to say yes to opportunities, step way out of my comfort zone and push myself a bit more. I’ve worked out at home for 6 years and this year was determined to join a gym, I signed up last week and went for the first time today. It felt bloody amazing pushing myself so hard I’m in agony now, ha ha! But, it is something I have wanted to do for years but never had the confidence to do – why can’t I join a gym even though it terrifies me?
Maybe it is age as well, I’m becoming who I want to be, wearing what clothes I want instead of what’s in fashion, I’m becoming less concerned with what others think of me and I’m not judging anyone as you never know what other mums are going through. I certainly speak my mind a bit more now and I think that’s great as I’m no longer the person who just goes along with it. I’m more empathetic and compassionate but I am still really impatient, I have really shitty days when I have shouted at the children, they go to bed sad and I cry because I’ve been a horrible mum. I find boundaries and threats hard to go through with which does me no favours but I love these little people more than anything in the world. I compare myself to other mums who are always patient with their children, they don’t seem to nag at them or appear flustered but I bet they are exactly the same as me at times behind closed doors.
So to all you mums out there who think we all have our shit together, we don’t!! You are doing a brilliant job and your children think you are amazing.