I’ll be honest, this week has seen tears, meltdowns, laughter, new adventures, anxiety and so much more – we are only at Wednesday and I’m done! I’m having one of those weeks where nothing goes to plan, things go wrong and emotions are sky high. I could bottle it all up and feel 10xs worse but I feel like I need to have a massive cry and then everything will be okay again, anyone else get like this?
Yesterday tipped me over the edge and I needed to get out into the fresh air. Thankfully the sun was shining and it was warm, I wrapped Charlie up and we headed to Exmouth beach. It was glorious walking along the seafront without any time restriction, any stresses, just walking and chatting with my little man. I will really miss these days when he starts school in September so I wanted to take lots of photos and enjoy every second of our time.
We ended up walking to the Marina to look at the boats and throw some sticks into the sea, typically as soon as we were out of range Charlie needed a wee. Lucky that all boys have to do is pull down their trousers and get mummy to hide them whilst peeing, ha ha.
I forget how lovely Exmouth beach/Marina is and it is only a 5 minute drive from our house. Walking around taking in the fresh air and forgetting about the minor stresses of my week really helped, I seem to always sweat the small stuff and it is magnified when my thyroid is peaking. I suffer from horrendous anxiety, heart palpitations and really irrational thoughts the whole weight of the world is on my shoulders and it gets too much. There’s nothing I can do about it either I just have to ride it out and when the fog clears I feel like me again. I’m going to write a blog post soon on how I cope with an underactive thyroid and anxiety as the two go hand in hand.
I thought after I had cleared my head a little my week would get better. Unfortunately this morning’s school drop off was utterly heart-breaking. Charlie was in hysterics and didn’t want me to leave him, he was grabbing onto my leg crying, begging me to take him home. As he’s not behaved this way before I just didn’t know what to do, I could have scooped him up and took him home but I didn’t and that made me so sad. However, I’m so lucky to have the wonderful ladies at his school because his keyworker took him from me when he was screaming out and crying, I just left. I knew he would be comforted and looked after so I walked out of the door with a massive lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I’m glad I did it though just to prove to myself that I’m not a softie and Charlie really does need to know that he has to stay at school. I received a text to say he was fine and off playing which was so nice to hear, I can’t wait to pick him up at lunch time.
I’m hoping this week gets better (fingers crossed) if not, you will find me in a corner rocking back and forth with crazy hair muttering ‘help, help’.